in my dream, as i dreamt,
i was standing in the arms of my beloved,
and you were a mixture of all my dreams and memories,
just perfect, beautiful precious and true,
as sure as this moment existed i was still outside of it,
remembering you, remembering me
how i felt back then, perhaps it was my own undoing,
this dream doing,
so standing to my left is this wonderful radiant and perfect soul
overcome with emotion, listening to the music,
as the singer sings off in anguish for the loss of love
no more moments alive in life together,
the painful memories oh how they were transformed
as they drifted away,
my beloved in this dream is swept with feeling
in feeling, relating to the singers song,
empathising so,
imagining if we were no longer together,
swept away painfully from our present emotion
and so i am standing there myself, with all that is wonderful, this precious being
all that i ever dreamed such as it is so,
as we dream, i am holding a tide of tears,
she rests her head on my shoulder in comfort together
I tried not to spoil this for you, to leave each party equally perfectly you,
but i was standing with a girl, the most wonderful in being, or so as i was seeing
but i didn’t feel her sadness of the singers song,
about the lovers that lost their loving, their simple lovers song
because to me i was here, and how could i be blue?
when i was standing there with you, if only i knew.
but then i remembered, as i suddenly awoke
i remember being with this girl
and, upon all the tears i choked
I thought it would never last
how could it be true
could life be any better
than this feeling I made with you
so in advance of your leaving a prepared myself a song
of the loss of my lover and on my own i sung
so long, so long my lover
until we meet again
when i see you in another
such a tragic 3 part disharmony
from our present future past
if only we were here
we could make our future last.
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This was written after a dream. It’s not meant to be poetry per se, but i quite like reading it. The woman int he dream was actually Regina Spektor, but as soon as I woke up I knew it was neutrally represenative. I interpreted it in a healing way about how this relationship never worked. In part becuase I thought it would never work. Like a self fullfilling prophecy.
Looking back, I wonder If i understood this. I never really understood how to heal. I sort of repeated a painful loop over and over again. I’m not really sure how to release the pattern.
Somehwere there is a piece about the way, at a certain point in life we talk to an imaginary beloved. That we transfer that projection from person to person, love to love, like an intimate reflection. But, I better find it first.
